Confronting Fears of Failure
Confronting Fears of Failure
Managing the scary side of starting a business
Building a life worth living often means putting yourself into a vulnerable position. Taking a risk that could change your life is a big deal. So it’s only natural to face some trepidation when it comes to starting. For me, this has really come into play as I’ve started writing and decided to try to make a living on my own.
Not long ago I was laid off from a company which I’d spent many years with, this month would have been my 20 year anniversary. That forced shift in my livelihood was a perfect opportunity to learn about panic attacks and anxiety, though somehow it didn’t hit me like that. I’ve had a latent desire to create content to help people for years, I’ve even quietly threatened to quit several times. So, getting laid off was a bit like divine intervention.
Before being laid off, those empty threats I had always made were always kept in check from my own fear of failure. It was easy to not pursue that dream because I had a good job. I knew that quitting would put my family at risk, so I never chased it. Once I was laid off, my first hurdle was understanding my perspective and shifting it.
Below are the fears I’ve been dealing with in this endeavor:
I’m afraid of failing.
When confronted with any negative situation we all deal with an initial response. Everything we experience or believe has a frame that we’ve built to support it. In the past, I had believed that I couldn’t be self employed because it was too risky to quit my job and I didn’t have the energy, bandwidth or desire to have a “side-hustle.” Getting laid off turned that on it’s ear. I had no choice but to find a new perspective. It didn’t come easy though.
If you want to change your life, change your mind.
I spent several months trying to juggle “3 Vectors” as I called them, a continuation of my previous role somewhere else, a re-skilling to move into a new role or to have a go at self employment. I was still fighting the belief that I could do it. I guess this was an interim reframe, building confidence to do anything new. It took me almost 3 months before I finally realized those first 2 vectors were non-starters.
I reframed, and am continuing to reframe my belief in my ability to stick with something tenaciously enough to become successful. As my perspective has shifted it has presented me with tons of new insights about myself. As I’ve gotten past the fear of starting something new, I’ve had other smaller fears of failure become more apparent.
I’m afraid that I won’t finish what I start.
The first fear to raise it’s head was self doubt. I’ve been trying to start hustles or side businesses for most of my adult life.
I purchased a 1-900 number with my dad when I was younger.
I was going to purchase real estate a few different times.
I started numerous “.com bubble” era projects and never got any off the ground.
I was going to start a woodworking YouTube channel.
I was going to create an Etsy store for 3D printing and CNC products.
I had created a pattern of “failure” in my head and this seemed like just another attempt in a series of failures.
Analyzing my past attempts, I recognize that I was always big on an initial idea and horrible on the execution. Creating an actionable plan with a timeline was always missing.
This time around, I recognize that you need to create different levels of accomplishment along the way. Here’s what I did:
Establish my Why - Create a larger vision
I figured out the long term, over-arching vision of me 5 years in the future
Build a path that resonates with my Why
I looked at my skills and motivations, defining what I could do that felt authentically me.
Identify realistic results along the way - Find tangible milestones
I broke my 5 year goal into annual, smaller milestones, making it feel attainable.
Define a timeline, work from biggest to smallest.
I am only working on the current year, with monthly and quarterly tasks that will move me towards this year’s milestone.
By having a very clear path, I can stop and look at what I’ve done and what I have planned and see results as well as a future. It all makes too much sense to seem implausible.
I’m afraid that I can’t stay motivated long enough to succeed.
I have a history of jumping from interest to interest. Knowing this history, it’s easy to be afraid that I won’t be able to stay motivated.
Now that I have a vision, my “Why”, I can break it down into more tangible. I just need to have a small enough goal that it feels approachable.
If the goal is to have $1,000,000 in 5 years, figure out what how much I need in 4, or less. When looking at how much I have now versus 7 figures, it seems impossible. It’s important to see a realistic target for me to stay motivated.
Right now, I my goal is to “find my tribe” and to create a community of likeminded people with similar goals to my own.
My goal for now is to have 1,000 people subscribing to my newsletters , but a year from now I want 10,000. I can’t focus on that 5 digit number, it seems impossible, so I focus on a 4 digit number.
Having a smaller, more reasonable goal on the horizon helps me get motivated. If I can check off boxes today that are progressing towards the small goal then I’m less likely to give up in hopelessness.
I’m afraid that I can’t even begin.
Ironically, while the previous fear was about not finishing what I start, this one is that “I can’t reliably start my projects.” Just like the fears above, the secret is to keep making everything smaller until it’s too easy to NOT do. A list of things that only take 5 minutes is a dopamine goldmine!
There are several factors that come into play when it comes to managing each day:
Set yourself up for success - Start the day with things that are easy to complete.
Remove friction for the next step - Have enough tasks laid out that can easily move from one to the next without thinking.
Deep Work - Find a way to block out time to get them done.
If you can remove the need to think and the need to make decisions while going through your day then it’s easier to flow from one thing to the next.
If you can put yourself into an environment for success, it’s easier to burn through the list.
What that looks like for me?
I start the day with my morning routine, something familiar and automatic, that gets me thinking about my day in a positive manner.
Sort through my outstanding tasks, put them in a list for today so it’s easy to find them.
Close down the distractions and seclude myself mentally so I can just move from one thing to the next. I have music I always listen to while I do Deep Work, no words, just sounds.
Set a timer and begin.
I’m afraid I’ll get burnt out and bored.
I know that I constantly find new interests and it can pull me away from my current interest.
I know that if I get too deeply focused on something I can start to feel like it’s work and then I get burnt out.
I recognize this about myself because it’s happened regularly when it comes to working for someone else. While establishing my “Why” up above is proving to be tremendously helpful, there is still the reality that this might suck in a month or a year.
To help fight mental fatigue, there are several things consider:
Is the deadline for your goal unrealistic? Can you stretch the timeline out?
Are you working outside of your comfort zone on things you don’t understand?
Are you allowing time to clear your mind and relax?
Are you balancing the aspects of your life wisely?
As recently as yesterday I was reminding myself that the timeline I’ve established is completely arbitrary. While I would love to have 1,000 subscribers next month, there is a lot of work to do between now and then.
For my comfort zone, I’m actually finding it to be invigorating more than stressful, I always have something new and novel to pursue. But sometimes I get frustrated when I can’t find an answer or when I have too many answers. When I get overwhelmed with answers then I have to take the time to step away.
When I’m getting overwhelmed with all of the things I have to do AND realizing that the timeline might be too ambitious, the answer is sometimes to walk away from the computer. I spent yesterday afternoon working in my wood shop, I’m building a new desktop for my standing desk that accommodates all my stuff. A simple project, but it’s all done with my hands, not my head.
There is a lot of work in trying not to do too much work. Being mindful of your limitations and your tendencies is necessary. Checking in on that awareness will help keep you centered.
I’m also writing on Medium almost every day with topics like theses and more. I encourage you to check them out, here’s a great starting point:
There is a lot to be afraid of, but you can find your own answers
I have come to realize that I’m encountering my fears of failure on an almost daily basis, but I never feel like giving up. I feel like, for the first time in my life, I have set myself up for success across the board.
I’ve reframed what failure looks like to me and my ability to confront it.
I’ve created a “Why” that resonates with me, I have a compelling reason to continue.
I have a plan of action that I can engage in, rather than having to motivate myself each day.
There is very little friction in my routine to slow me down, I can get started easily and move from task to task clearly.
I regularly check in with myself and dial back “Productive Mode” when it’s affecting my mental or physical health.
While so much of this is tied to the larger fear of self employment and doing something on my own, you can still use these methods to tackle smaller tasks. If you want a promotion at work, just figure out a “why” for doing it. Maybe its as simple as figuring out what you need to do and create a plan that will help you move in that direction. If you’re afraid of meeting new people, reframe what that looks like so that you have lower expectations of the outcome.
I’m optimistic about my future, I hope you’re optimistic about yours and can find a path for moving forward.
Namaste n stuff.
